Tantric sex is an incredible way to supercharge intimacy, connection, have a meditative, yet sexual experience together. It's not something you do on random hookup, it's a way to rejuvenate your existing relationships.
After 20 hours of research and curating the best tantric love techniques from hundreds of couples, this guide condenses the lessons all in one place:
What is Tantric Sex?
Women naturally get tantric sex.
Men need to catch up with semen retention or get older.
I never understood what tantric sex was until I started practicing semen retention.
Before that, sex was just an act… And since most of my knowledge about sex came from porn, that's all I did.
If I would even try something slower, I would lose all the arousal because I was too drugged with excess stimulation from my porn addiction.
But once I went on porn detox and didn't ejaculate for few weeks, I couldn't even go fast…
Tantric sex naturally happened and we connected like never before..
Lovemaking without movement, breathing and exchanging male/female energies.
It's truly beautiful.
If your partner is up for it… read on and open your world to tantric sexology.
Here's how other people understand tantric sex experience:
“Tantric sex is like meditating, plus penetration (mostly).”
“Instead of just your classic body sex, Tantra fully involves Spirit, Mind, and Body.
The true goal is harmonic unity of your entire being, with your partner’s entire being.
Legit, orgasm is waaaaay secondary.
If you manage to achieve Tantra, you’ll understand why.
The experience isn’t something we have words for.
Once you’ve been there, your perspective on life, the universe, and everything, changes… In a very positive way.
Go boldly, but tread lightly.
The bond formed between two souls through tantric sex lasts at least one full lifetime.
“To me personally, tantric sex means focusing on the intimacy aspect. “
“Skin on skin contact, caressing, kissing. Light dirty talk. Sensuality.
It’s about exploring each other’s bodies in a way that is not just traditional sex.
Its about focusing on the romance.
My husband and I use massages as foreplay because it is my biggest fetish and biggest turn on.
You can try that.
I have found that this kind of approach (at least for my hubby and I) leads to very long, passionate sex! Good luck!”
“For us, tantric sex has more to do with our mental approach to sex than anything else. “
“We literally worship each other as people, and our bodies.
It’s kinda’ like a deep respect and admiration for a person that lasts far beyond any orgasm or sexual technique.
You might think of tantric sex being the opposite of humiliating BDSM scenes.
That might not be a good example, but it’s the best I got for now.”
“Slow, deep and passionate without rushing the orgasms.
Using the yab-yum position, we’ve been able to do it for up to three hours with short breaks every 45 minutes or so.”
“To me tantric sex is more than just a sex act — it’s a practice of Daoism. “
“Generally, the man refrains from ejaculation for two weeks to a month at a time while continuing to have intercourse regularly.
The woman’s goal is to have as many orgasms as possible.
Ejaculation is prevented or retrograde ejaculation is induced by applying firm pressure with the fingertips to the perineum before orgasm.
The process of limiting ejaculation is supposed to gather a large amount of sexual energy within and sustain it.
This process leads to a level of intense sexual pleasure through control of mind and body.
Super saiyan erections are also a plus.”
“Tantric sex feels like everything I wanted (and expected) regular sex to be.”
“Before getting into this, I didn’t care much for sex and even masturbating felt more like a mechanical chore than anything else. Both activities left me feeling tired and like shit.
Not so with tantric sex.
I feel energized afterwards and, it’s hard to explain, but it’s as though I’ve found something that’s been missing, and now that I’ve found it, my quality of life has sharply improved.
I don’t think I really want to go back to normal sex again, given how much better tantric has proven to be.”
“Tantric sex is the best sex of my life.”
“It’s not something you can just pick up.
It’s not a position or a single technique.
It is a whole approach to sensuality, sexuality, and relationship.
There are some books that can give you a sense of it, such as “Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving” — but to really learn it, you will want to go to a serious training retreat or find a teacher.”
“Tantric sex all depends on one word: Commitment.”
“Most unmarried (or not engaged) couples have sex for sheer physical pleasures.
They may claim to be “in love” but they are aware that this “relationship” may not last.
Hence, sex is very much intimacies with maximum physical pleasures, with minimum emotional attachment.
But to married or engaged couples, emotional attachment is mundane.
In fact, it is necessary for the marriage to last.
And many couples even seek out spiritual connection among themselves. This is where “tantric” sex offers new pleasures.
Committed relationship allows the couple to form emotional attachment. The “just between you and me” feeling is good, even better when the novelty of sex sets after marriage.
In addition, the focus (depending on school of “tantric” sex) is almost always without PIV but on outercourse, edging, mind-sex, and even meditation.
Such focus puts the couple into a state where they feel exclusive for each other and hence build up connections that is much deeper than physical.
In fact, personally, I feel that the process is a long foreplay that leads to an exploding PIV climax.
“I’m not convinced of it having any positive effect or significance to our sex life.”
Indeed I’m not surprised because you’re not in a committed relationship and hence unable to go beyond physical for fear of a broken heart.
But when you are married and committed to your wife, things will be different when sex need not be rushed, neither does foreplay need to be oral or manual or kissing or hugging but a romantic dinner, enjoying a wine in the garden,
…before hitting the bedroom for meditation and assurance of love for each other and then go intimate physically.
“Tantric” sex does have it’s place in a couple’s sex life.
It takes commitment and of course availability of time to practice it.”
How To Have Tantric Sex? Where Do You Begin?
If I would have just 1 minute to explain it:
Tantric sex isn't about sex positions. The first thing you might want to do is take a breath, relax and be present with your loved one.
It’s not a competition, you don’t have to “show him a thing or two”, it’s not about tricks or techniques as much as your attitude.
Connection and presence. Start with that. Learn also about mindfulness meditation. It can be extremely helpful.
But if you need to learn a tantric sex position, here's the only one you should know as a beginner — Yab-Yum position:
Here's a great advice from ShaktiAmarantha on how to start:
“Some couples may find it harder to do tantric meditation for the first time if it’s in the context of “having sex.”
But aside from that, there’s no need to refrain from having sex normally after practicing one of the initial steps.
However, the the first few times you try the couple meditation it will help you stay in synch if you take a minute or two to cuddle and talk quietly about the experience — how it felt, whether you want to try anything different next time, and so on — before shifting gears to more sexual activities.
After the first few times, you can go from meditation right into foreplay and then try starting PIV with a few minutes of yab-yum, so you transition from one form of couple meditation to another before active sex.
Alternatively, if you have time, you can go from couple meditation into giving your wife a massage, and segue from there into normal sex.
Again, this depends on time and on how comfortable the whole process is for both of you.
If you are both experienced meditators, you won’t need to practice couple meditation separately very much.
Ditto if you are new to meditation, but it still seems to come naturally to both of you.
So it’s fine to play it by ear.
Z and I learned tantra with much less in the way of a guide, so we sort of fumbled our way along and went very slowly through the learning process.
We did several dozen couple meditations, either separately, just to connect on nights when we weren’t doing anything else, or else as a prelude to massages, before we did a complete sequence ending with PIV.
But that was in the context of doing sensate focus therapy and recovering from a DB, so I don’t think our experience necessarily applies to other people.
Still, it’s important not to rush things.
The main point in splitting the steps up and learning them separately at the beginning is just getting the mechanics out of the way and making them into an easy routine.
The first few times you do a couple meditation, for example, you have to decide on a place, get settled, figure out what’s comfortable, and adjust your positions.
The sensations are new and the physical process itself is distracting, so you don’t get as much out of it, in terms of either relaxation or connection.
The third or fourth time, it’s much less about “what to do?” and much more about the experience itself.
Along those lines, don’t expect too much from the couple meditation itself.
Some people are expecting a magical result, but it’s quite enough at first if it just feels like a nice, relaxing, companionable thing to do.
It’s often not until later, after you’ve done the full sequence for a month or two, that you can feel the importance of the first steps.
Also, quite a few of the couples I learned from reversed the learning process, starting right in with separate massages and PIV, and then adding the preparation steps later, and they seemed to do fine.
So feel free to mix things up (might want to consider sounding) as seems best for you.”
What are The Best Tantra Love Techniques?
Here are the best ones I've found shared by other tantric practitioners:
“As far as being patient, its an absolute requirement. “
“The first time my girlfriend and I tried it, we started by slowly listening to each other breathe, and getting our breathing in sync.
This lead to a mutual sensation building up between us that was completely new to both of us.
We actually screwed up and she fell off and the sensation completely disappeared, but we got right back to it and had a really incredible shared orgasm.
We’ve tried it many times since, but one particular experience tops them all.
We had were making very passionate love, breathing together, and getting really into it.
This time a sensation started to grow in my chest. It felt like I was exhaling into her chest, and she into mine.
This sensation spread to the front of my forehead.
She looked at me and I could tell she was experiencing the same thing.
We were still fucking, but we were more attached mentally than physically.
This is where it took an interesting turn.
I fell out, but the sensation grew anyway.
I got back in, but instead of focusing on where we were physically attached, in “pushed” into the mental connection, and she responded.
I kept doing this and she had what she described as a “full body orgasm, with all the energy radiating from the front of the brain”.
We were both completely shocked by the whole experience, and spent the rest of the night doing it over and over again.
At one point I gave her an orgasm without touching her.
She felt like these orgasms could go on forever, the first one actually lasted for about 10 minutes.
You don’t have to believe that but I’m completely serious.
I am completely in love with this woman.
We have an incredible connection, and she’s my best friend.
We have a very solid relationship based on communication.
I’m sure all these things play a factor in this being possible for us, but I would encourage everyone to try it anyway.”
How Tantric Massage Feels Like
“Try A Tantric Massage With A Professional: My Story”
“I went to a professional. I was in my early 20’s at the time.
Well it started off with her asking me what it was I wanted to learn.
I had two things in mind, learning to please a woman better and ejaculation control.
So we started off with me controlling myself and at first it was talking about breathing, breathing from the stomach, which is what I do anyway, so that wasn’t hard.
It was sort of like meditating and calming myself.
Then she asked me to get on the massage table and started giving me the massage, which is a typical good massage if they know what they are doing, and this woman did (what isn’t typical of a good massage is we were both nude at this point).
She added a bit of teasing into it and then had me turn over.
She continued with a regular massage with her hands getting closer to my junk than is normal in a regular massage.
She then asked me if she could touch me, which I of course agreed to.
As she was masturbating me she was explaining the PC muscles and where they were and how I could control them.
Anytime I felt like I was coming close she told me to tighten them and she stopped.
This went on for about 30–45 minutes.
We did end it before I came, but on the way home I was fully charged up. I felt like I had lightning running through my veins. It was pretty amazing.
My wife is able to make me feel the same way now too, so that’s pretty great.
If you, or you and your partner, go to a professional, make sure they are not just using ‘tantra’ as a buzz word for ‘escort’.
So do a bit of research first. I think its worth it to try out a time or two, and give it an honest shot.
The whole ‘breathing’ thing I would not do all the time before sex, but as a once in a while thing it is ok.
Plus if you are able to learn something new or experience something new that’s only a good thing.”
What Is The Best Tantric Love Music?
I personally love to search on Youtube either:
- sex music
- meditation music
- massage, spa music
- Buddha Bar is great
- and you can always check Reddit for other people sex music suggestions.
Let me close out by sharing TantraGirl story on how she went about learning Tantric sex:
“Learning Tantric Sex — Our adventure!”
“Background: We didn’t go straight from normal sex to tantric sex.
We had already gotten about halfway there on our own for other reasons.
It all began with some major sexual incompatibility problems.
When we first had sex (at 24 & 26), my husband was relatively inexperienced and suffered from fairly serious PE. I was, to put it tactfully, a lot more experienced, but I had my own problem that was the opposite of his: I take a long time to get aroused and I had never had an orgasm of any kind with any of my previous BFs.
We met on the job and were work partners and best friends for a year before we started dating and tumbled into bed.
I’m an industrial designer, he’s an engineer, and for some reason we just click perfectly on the same mental wavelength.
We’re a great team and solving hard problems is what we do best.
So we did some research and then set out to solve these two by doing DIY sex therapy and learning much more about good technique and each other’s bodies.
For the first part, we started meditating daily and we did Sensate Focus Therapy (SFT) every week for 5 or 6 months.
SFT is a structured form of sensual massage that is the basis for several kinds of sex therapy, including therapy for PE and anorgasmia, and it worked really well for both of us.
While we were doing that, we also experimented with toys and positions and techniques.
He figured out what I respond to best in terms of fingering, oral, and vibrator use.
I worked on learning to “edge” him, finding the right combination of oral and handjob techniques and pacing to keep him just below the “point of no return” for longer and longer periods.
By doing all of these things we solved our opposite orgasm problems and discovered a lot of new things that were pretty great.
So sex started out bad and got much, much better over the first few years.
Then it kinda plateaued for a bit until I met Shakti and discovered that she and her guy practice a secular kind of tantric sex.
Starting to practice tantra with a teacher
I had been curious about tantra for some time, but I was also put off by all the spiritual jargon that people use when they talk about it.
However that clearly wasn’t Shakti’s approach, so I talked her into giving us a tutorial.
We spent a few months learning the basics, and we’ve spent seven+ years since then perfecting the art.
We did have a headstart in several ways.
We had both been meditating almost every day for years.
We had continued exchanging massages even after that wasn’t needed for therapy. (Because… why not? 🙂
And we already did a lot of edging.
All of those are important parts of this kind of tantric sex, so it was fairly easy to combine them in a new way and get fairly fast results.
The really cool thing about the way this happened was that it got Shakti to think back over 15 years’ worth of interviews and personal experience and put the essential information in some kind of order so she could teach us what she had learned.
Once she had done it for us, she turned her outlines into an online handbook for couples who want to learn tantra together.
[If you’re newish to this sub, her guide is called Extraordinary Passion — The Art and Science of Modern Tantric Sex. It’s free, no ads or anything, and it’s great!]
Anyway, the point I’m making is that we had already been doing meditation and sensual/erotic massage for some time, so it turned out that we’d already done the first stages of “learning tantric sex” before we ever met Shakti.
As I remember it, after talking about tantric sex, how it works, and how it built on what we already knew, our first “lessons” focused mostly on how to incorporate meditation into three phases of our usual routine:
- First, meditating as a couple at the beginning, focusing on getting in sync with your partner
- Second, doing a very different kind of meditation during your massage, learning to stay relaxed and expand your focus beyond the genitals when the massage gets intense.
- Third, meditating as a couple again, but this time you’re connected with your partner in yab-yum, and you incorporate some of the diffusion techniques from the second kind of meditation, so this is a fusion of the first two.
That first week we did the couple meditation routine every night before bed.
We also tried the yab-yum and inverted missionary positions out, supposedly to try the third kind of meditation, but really just getting familiar with getting into the position and experiencing what it felt like to be motionless with penetration before regular PIV.
That first weekend we split up the standard tantra routine, doing setup+couple meditation+his massage one day and then doing setup+couple meditation+my massage+yab yum+PIV the next day.
Then we met with Shakti and talked about how it went and how everything felt, and she gave us some suggestions and helped explain what not to do.
We repeated that cycle for two more weeks and then went for the whole sequence the last weekend of our first month.
That worked really well for us, but I don’t know if other couples would need more or less of a delay (or none) before trying the whole sequence.
The benefit of splitting the massages at the beginning was getting the physical routine streamlined and in our heads without thinking ahead to the next massage.
I think if we’d tried to go straight through the whole routine the first week it would have taken 4 or 5 hours and wouldn’t have been as much fun.
By the third and fourth weekends, we knew what we were doing in what order and what everything was going to feel like, so it all went much more smoothly.
What was hardest to learn about tantric Love Techniques?
Without any question, the hardest part for both of us was keeping physically relaxed while also learning to control the focus of our attention internally while receiving a long tantric massage.
The physical control is hard enough, especially at the beginning.
We were both so used to tensing all those muscles as we got aroused, and it took a serious mental effort and a lot of reminders to stay limp and keep everything soft and loose, even when you’re right on the edge of an orgasm.
And while you’re doing that you’re also supposed to be learning how to focus and then gradually broaden your internal awareness in a way that causes the physical arousal zone to spread!
Anyway, learning to receive a massage in the right way was over 90% of what we worked on for the next couple of months.
Since we’d had a big head start on regular meditation and massage techniques, everything else was easy!
I wish I’d kept notes on the first six months. Looking back, for example it’s hard for me to remember when we started getting a spacey euphoric effect from the doing the whole routine.
Bud says there was a noticeable increase by six weeks or so.
I would have said it was longer than that, but I just don’t trust my memory.
Like a lot of things while you’re learning, it sneaks up on you, and by the time you really notice it, it has been there for a while and you’re not sure when it actually started.
I think that’s especially true of the emotional intensity.
I would have said that Bud and I were as close as any two people can be after 5 years together.
But doing tantra made our feelings for each other deeper as well as stronger.”
Bringing It All Together
That's it folks!
Hope this introduction helped and if you want to learn more definitely get help of tantra professionals — read some books or go to a special retreat.
Nothing works better than real-life experience like that.
Oh…and check out this small, friendly TantricSex Subreddit.
It's a great, supportive community to beginners.